Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

Most of the traffic on this blog is from perverts and porn searches. Where the hell did it all go wrong? Discussing sexuality and wanking in a movie review I suppose. fml

All that and a bag of cookies

So  was reading the friendly atheist and came across this post.

Can we say instantly pissed off? Who the fuck WOULD want their cookie?! They come in denying human rights that all heteronormative people enjoy and their consolation prize to offset denying them spending their life with their partner the way they want to is to offer them tokens of love in the form of COOKIES?! Are. you. fucking. KIDDING. me?!

I got nothing. This is as stupid as it gets.

Science Saved My Soul

Yes. Yes it did.

Once before I tired to explain how and why I had lost my faith. It was long, convoluted and confusing to say the least. Here is a summation. The questions started when I realized the cognitive dissonance required to condemn gays to a life of loneliness. When that standard was placed on me as a divorced woman, that I had to now spend my life alone, I realized just how unacceptable it was that I stood by passively while the faith I adhered to touted this exact message to the millions of gay people, or otherwise “non-normative” people. That started the questions. The above video beautiful explanation of the conclusion I came to and I wish I’d come across it earlier.

So I have no idea who reads this blog or subscribes but I have to admit that due to life imploding in various different directions at once, I forgot about it lol. Sorry about that. BUT! Back now and how about a video? A video about SCIENCE and RELIGION! Oh yes. Also, they call me a Prossibilian ^_^

http://player.vimeo.com/video/16177455?title=0&byline=0&portrait=0&color=006666

David Eagleman on Possibilianism from PopTech on Vimeo.

A taste of the utter horseshit people used to rave about…

Back in the day I posted about a dream I had the night before. I got a bunch of comments that God was trying to tell me something and one of my best friends, already out of the agnostic closet, questioned how he knew it was God, how he knew it was HIS God and so on and so forth.

Eventually the whole thread took a random turn to Laminin. He expounding on the amazingness of Laminin and her shitting herself over his abject stupidity and obliviousness to what was actually happening in their discussion (she was utterly mocking him).

I had heard of Laminin before from a christian friend whose daughter showed me the following video. No word of a lie, as I watched in abject intellectual horror I was oblivious to the fact that they were bawling behind me with gratitude that Jesus held them together in the palm of his hand. I sat there debating whether to burst their bubble with the explanation that it was a molecular diagram and in the end decided it wasn’t worth the debate/discussion/being hoofed out of the house for mocking their faith.

This is the picture in question that got SO many people I knew riled up with adoration for the Lord who holds them together with a representation of a cross:

Laminin

While discussing this with a friend of mine he linked me to the following picture:

And said, “that’s a potassium channel molecule. looks like a swastika to me – god hates the jews”

“That’s enough evidence for me; the chemical structures in my brain are pre-wired to make me anti-semitic.I don’t see how it’s possible that a molecular structure could possibly take this shape without some kind of divine providence.”

ZOMG GASP! No not really – because it just goes to show how utterly ridiculous these Laminin videos are and how emotionally manipulative they manage to be. Sometimes you can only show how ridiculous it is by taking the utter opposite stance. I have linked the video below – what it and decide for yourself the level of emotional manipulation. Oh and utter HORSESHIT. *Eyeroll*. Just goes to show people can find meaning for their live in almost everything and how hard wired it is in us to justify our existence.

So it wasn’t ALL bad…

I realize I can be incredibly negative about Christianity. Actually much of the time lately I have white hot unmitigated rage… I chalk it up to transitioning out of a faith that I literally dedicated ten years of my life to. Recently my partner mentioned how he found it fascinating that it didn’t just slip into the background now that I was out of it. The reason why is because it was such an incredibly intricate part of my life. It literally effected every day, who I was friends with, who I wasn’t, how I spent my time, what I read, what I researched, how I reacted to EVERYTHING around me, etc. It’s really hard to just accept that something which was that big a part of your life is now gone, and not just gone… now considered something you were deceived by. It isn’t easy letting go and moving on.

But it wasn’t ALL bad. Even though it grates a little to admit that lol. So I’ll post on a positive, one that has stayed with me. I was thinking about it this morning and I realized there ARE some good things I learned lol.

In Christianese there is this thing called “building someone up”. As is building someone up in the Lord, or building someone up in the faith, etc. Basically the gist of it is encouraging someone. Actively pointing out their strengths and encouraging them so that you build up their confidence in that area, encouraging them to step outside their comfort zone and giving them confidence, etc.

I still think it’s a lovely concept and one I regularly still practice in a non-religious kind of way. It has such a profound affect to build someone up as opposed to tearing someone down. I also find if you do this regularly the persons reaction is beautiful. New found confidence, acknowledgment of something that are good at in life instead of focusing on what they aren’t, the pleasure they find in being not just seen but seen well and if really lucky, a release of guilt and shame and low self esteem.

I actually do this most often now without even realizing. It started with always making sure, no matter what our last encounter was like, that I told the people I love that I love them before saying good bye or good night or whatever. No matter what. And also randomly throughout the day. They should always know I love them. Then I realized I would be thinking something lovely about them and wouldn’t say it – but whenever a frustration came up or an argument it is too easy to fling negativity at each other. That’s shit. So now when a lovely thought pops into my head I blurt it right out. “Yanno what I love about you? You do _____________ and I really love it because ________________ . You should see peoples face light up. Or that little surprised smirk of pleasure.

That’s just a natural thing I do and even at that I want to do it more often. But I must credit Christianity for teaching me to actively “building people up”. When appropriate comment on things about them on in their life that IS good and positive and let them now it. Not bullshit false praise or anything like that but genuine encouragement. My best example is one of my best friends. That woman can literally find a positive attribute to anything in life from a screaming baby (Ah sure, but doesn’t he have a find pair of lungs!) to a hemorrhoid (Isn’t it great that you had to take 2 days off work and got to relax?). No word of a lie. And it’s so GENUINE. I’ll never forget when I had my child and a family member who wanted to hold her got pissy when I refused and snapped “God you’re so possessive of her!”. I mean never mind the fact that I had just given birth 3 days previous >_< but sure, cut a new mum down! My friend came over a week later, witnessed the same behavior and replied "It is gorgeous how attentive you are to her". I nearly burst beaming inside. What a difference perspective and wording makes.

I am not as positive as my gorgeous friend by any stretch of the imagination but I do love giving to others the same sense of whatever it is being encouraged gives one. So when I genuinely notice a positive, even if it is connected to a negative I make a concerted effort to point it out and encourage them. It's just that life is so quick and ferocious to tear us down every day and there is so much to feel less than, a failure in, guilty for, etc that life is too short and if I can make someone feel the opposite of any of those then I'ma try.

And I learned the concept from Christianity. And even though it's a rare few beautiful souls I learned this from in my lost faith when you see it practiced it is a wonderful thing to witness. So it ain't ALL bad ~_^

The Danger of the Single Story

Thanks “About an African’s Queen” for the link – fantastic talk.

One of the things that this reminded me of was how in Permaculture circles often people are going to various African countries to learn sustainable building methods that Africans have been using for centuries. We first world Permies are apparently all forward thinking about the future of our planet and her resources, but the Africans have been using our modern sustainable techniques forever. Insert eye roll here.

Hitchens Discusses Action against the Pope on MSNBC

I cannot make it clear enough how much I support Dawkins and Hitchens on this. It is mind blowing that these men are not being brought to justice for their sickening child rape and abuses, including the sick fucks who helped cover it up. The claims that this brings about sympathy or empathy for the Pope or the priests involved in BULLSHIT. How many women in abusive marriages tip toe around their husband so as not to trigger their abuses? How many children keep quiet for fear of reprisals? There is no justification for backing off demanding justice in this situation. Faith or lack thereof has NOTHING to do with this situation. It’s about bringing sick child abusers and rapists to justice and nothing less. Pay attention and quite shifting the focus.

The Lovely Bones

I’m in the middle of it.

Stop reading if you don’t want a spoiler.

The scene before she dies, Susie is in the bunker he built specifically to murder her. He has lured her in based on the promise of something neat and original that she would be the first to see. While down there her instincts kick into over drive and she says she has to leave. He sternly tells her not to be impolite.

With that one simple sentence rage erupted within me. It reminds me of how docile women are trained to be. How to acquiesce and keep the peace even when we feel, innately, that we want out. It’s hard for me to put into words what I want to say, but! Luckily I came across a blog post awhile ago that sums up what I am talking about.

This is the part I thought of specifically when watching the movie:

“Women who are taught that certain established boundaries are frowned upon as too rigid and unnecessary are going to find themselves in situations that move further faster before they realize that their first impression was right, and they are in a dangerous room with a dangerous person.”

But women are constantly taught not to stand up for themselves, not to set boundaries, not to speak out.

This is the most pertinent part for me and something I am realizing more and more often is VERY true:

If women are raised being told by parents, teachers, media, peers, and all surrounding social strata that:

It is not okay to set solid and distinct boundaries and reinforce them immediately and dramatically when crossed (“mean bitch”)

It is not okay to appear distraught or emotional (“crazy bitch”)

It is not okay to make personal decisions that the adults or other peers in your life do not agree with, and it is not okay to refuse to explain those decisions to others (“stuck-up bitch”)

It is not okay to refuse to agree with somebody, over and over and over again (“angry bitch”)

It is not okay to have (or express) conflicted, fluid, or experimental feelings about yourself, your body, your sexuality, your desires, and your needs (“bitch got daddy issues”)

It is not okay to use your physical strength (if you have it) to set physical boundaries (“dyke bitch”)

It is not okay to raise your voice (“shrill bitch”)

It is not okay to completely and utterly shut down somebody who obviously likes you (“mean dyke/frigid bitch”)

If we teach women that there are only certain ways they may acceptably behave, we should not be surprised when they behave in those ways.”

Don’t be impolite? Fuck you. I’m going to teach my daughter to be impolite for the simple reason that we live in a rape culture and being polite or quiet might be the very thing that gets her abused or worse if she doesn’t know it’s ok to set boundaries and be “impolite” or firm or direct.

There is a woman at work who is incredibly direct. She can be as polite and gentle as she may but the mere fact that she firmly sets boundaries and doesn’t allow them be crossed as earned her the privilege of having many a person roll their eyes at her and give her the wonderful title of bitch. I admit, she shocked me when I first encountered her but not because she was a bitch but because she enforced her boundaries and I envied her, I wanted her strength. At the time I was too afraid of the stigma of Bitch. Now? Not so much. Surviving rape, abuse and various other forms of abuse and shutting up about them so as not to rock the boat got me no where.

Fuck politeness.

Edited to add: Movie ended. Loved the bitch at the end ~_^

Shock to the System

When writing about losing my faith I decided to break certain parts off and dedicate a post to give those areas more attention.

Bigger than the process of questioning and losing my faith is a realization that slammed into me while sitting, reading, in a carpark while I waited to collect my daughter.

I was reading The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver and was getting more and more angry at the fundamentalist father, but even more so at the Belgium’s for their part in decimating the Congo. I could have that wrong – my memory of the specifics is a bit hazy. Anyway. I was getting more and more angry at how unjust it all is, how exploitative the west was and still is, how greedy and abusive, etc, etc.

My first thought was something about there is so much injustice in the world. Then, out of no where, so suddenly it sucked the breath from my chest – my faith imploded and died.

All the stuff I had been questioning and analyzing, all the different doctrines and perspectives and questions – none of them were enough to bring me to a conclusion one way or another. Looking at the state of the world, the abuses, the human rights violations, the sex trafficking and child abuse and rape and murder and whole nations starving to death and us with our big flat screen tellies and mind numbing riches while the rest squirmed in their squalor… God Did Not Exist and Was Not Involved In This World.

No being with even an ounce of empathy or love or emotion or justice could exist, and having created this world, just let it be.

Even now I cannot re-create that feeling, that realization or the impact it had on me. It was a blinding moment of absolute realization and it was like being sucker punched and the wind knocked out of me.I just knew God wasn’t there. The bible made so many promises of a loving God who would lift up the broken hearted, heal the wounded and wipe the tears of the mourning. Bullshit.

Where is God? Where is God in Darfur where women are raped and their breasts cut off and their babies thrown into the fire before their very eyes. Where is God in China where infanticide occurs regularly and boy babies are deemed more worthwhile then girl babies? Where is God in the child sex trafficking? Where is God for the homeless and the helpless and the abused? Where is God in the Tsunami? Where was God in the Holocaust when his OWN FUCKING PEOPLE were slaughtered in their MILLIONS? Where is God in the thousands of starving children all over the world? And WHERE the FUCK is God when people commit horrible atrocities in His name? Where. The. Fuck. Is. God?!

I came home and told one of my closest friends who I could discuss the deep stuff with and I explained what had happened, about how my faith imploded. And then another realization that brought me to gasping tears. There was no justice at the end of it all. There would be no retribution. The wounded, hurt, abandoned, abused, neglected, starved, murdered, betrayed and left for dead would never see justice. God would not be waiting to wipe their tears and hold their hand. He didn’t do a damn thing on Earth to help them and they would receive no vindication after death either.

There was no justice.

I cried myself to sleep that night and several nights after.

There is no justice.

There is only what we stand up and do ourselves. I have heard many Christians say with a kind of smug self righteousness that without God there is no morality and no ethics or values. Lies. Humans will be moral with or without God depending on who they are. There are Christians that I have seen first hand readily admit that if their was no God there would be nothing stopping them from raping women.There are non believers who risk their lives every day to make a difference to those who need it most.

As for me? Losing my faith and the realization of there being no Judeo Christian God to make it all right at the end means I am accountable for everything I do or do not do on this Earth. I am accountable to me and to anyone I don’t protect, defend or hurt with my inaction. I can’t do everything but I will damn well do everything I can.

It’s still the single most disturbing realization I have ever had in life and the one that haunts me.

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